Facebook 

I like Facebook. (That might be obvious!!)

I like connecting with like minded people from all over the world, without having to leave the house. I like getting to know the school mums better without actually having to dedicate them time i dont have. I like keeping up with family and long lost friends who otherwise would barely be on my xmas card list. 

Maybe you know me, maybe you dont. But like a great number of people I know: I have mental health “issues”.

I get anxious. I like my own house, my own space. I like people. I like learning about people. But being sociable is hard. Last night i went out with my work colleagues. In the end I had to offer my colleague a lift to ensure I went. 

People invite me to go out or to come over. I always WANT to come. I like the idea of going out. Especially right now when ‘home’ isnt always a fun place to be. Especially with six kids. Getting out sounds like bliss. But then the occasion gets closer and the reality is scary. What if I’m the one sitting in the corner being ignored? What if I say the wrong thing? What if everyone discovers I’m a total fraud? 

Easier to just stay at home.  Easier to stay where its safe and I can talk to people on Facebook or switch it off when I’m having a bad day or post my little witty musings when I’m having a good day or I’ve spent six months thinking them up. Facebook is safe. 

But Im an IT nerd. I know enough about IT to know I know absolutely nothing about IT. But this I do know: anything you put on Facebook is public. Even if you make your settings super private. You put something on the internet and its there to be found by people who are interested enough to look for it. If you know your car will get broken into: leave it unlocked and save your window.

I dont bother pretending. My profile is public. And Im not intending to change that. Sure that might help in my bid for world domination. Sure that might help to get the odd share that might mean I one day get ‘discovered’ and I become an A list celebrity writer (as long as I dont have to leave my house). Sure that might mean I get a few strangers interested in my jewellery and I become a millionaire. Ok, there might be a few ulterior motives….. 

I’ve learnt a few lessons over the years. Ive learnt sometimes my (virtual) mouth engages before my brain and Ive had to adjust my personal privacy settings and think before I post. But still my Facebook settings have stayed public. 

Ive learnt sometimes the virtual world can be just as mean as the real one. Meaner sometimes. When you put yourself out there, people say things back you didnt want them to say. Sometimes people disagree with you and tell you so. Sometimes they say things and it hurts your feelings. Sometimes other peoples virtual mouths engage before their brains. 

But the virtual world can help to make sense of the real one. Sometimes you can get online support from people who really do care about you. For someone like me, who thinks everyone surely must hate me and think Im stupid. Those comments that show you read to the end; those four real-life friends who jumped to my defence when I needed it most: They remind me that feeling worthless is not real, its in my head and maybe it really is time to go back on the meds. 

And those virtual friends who prove that in any real-life divorce, friends have to be split up: They showed their side and maybe I should be grateful to them too. 

I love Facebook. (But thats probably because Im too old for Snapchat”