Its finally here: my first night in my new home. Feels a bit unreal if Im honest. Feels like a holiday home or something. I suppose thats to be expected and it’ll take a while to feel ‘normal’. 

This week has been strange. Dropping stuff off, not wanting to leave, going home and not wanting to pack. A foot in each camp and neither feels ‘right’. 

What does one take to a house youre only due to be in for six months? What does one take when you will still have three children at ‘home’ who you’d really rather not leave. What does one take when you’ll still be visiting when Doug is away for work. What’s ‘essential’? 

Its funny what has turned out to be essential. Some of my favourite cookie jars and some jewellery making stuff. And I ordered some irn bru and teabags to be here when I arrived. And my ‘special’ toothpaste; toothbrushes can be bought. 

And Rhys. I brought Rhys obviously. Somebody has been making and selling owl doorstops in aid of RR81. So I bought one for the new house. 

Plus, for being a ‘chief supporter’, Jon gave me his ‘spare’ cardiff half marathon medal (which is quite possibly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me). 

So thats hanging pride of place. 

And a tartan horseshoe from a highland games my sister’s friend went to. Thats been hung up too. 

And then I got here and realised I didnt have any food or ability to feed the kids. 


So here I am, at 42, finally learning to be a grown up. 

Its scary. Its shocking. But mainly its exciting. (But also very scary!) 

Most people get to “be a grown up” gradually. Maybe you go to university and have to look after yourself (but your parents still pay the bills and a cleaner comes once a week) or you get a job (but you stay at home until you’ve grown up enough to leave). 

Im learning to be a grown up with six kids in tow and a pre-established extravagant lifestyle. 


Its scary. 

The world expects me to be the same but im not. 

Ive got a car. 

But omg the petrol has to be PAID for! 


AND the car has to be insured. 

And Doug hasn’t transferred the car loan to me yet. 

Ive got six kids. 

But omg the food they eat COSTS money! 


AND the clothes have to be BOUGHT! 

And Doug still pays for dinner money and school trips and school books and cinema trips and and and and omg it never ends….. 

Im moving into a new place and I have to PAY FOR ELECTRICITY!!! 

Life costs money. 


I knew this. 
But ive been shielded from the reality of it my entire life. 

Im sure that sounds like bliss to alot of people. 

And maybe it should have been but it wasnt to me. 

So here I am. 

And maybe now Im paying more than money for my previously ignorant extravagant lifestyle.

When the kids are hungry and I have no money to feed them. Ill show them all the pretty nail polishes I have. 

When my kids are crying for me because they are ill but i cant be with them because they are in the other house: they can look at my expensive teddy bears (through the glass cabinet; omg you cant TOUCH them).

But Im a fast learner. 

This time next year…..


This time next year ill be more grown up than a grown up person at grown up land.