So here it is: Rhys’ 18th birthday. He should have been having his first legal drink. He should have been planning his university life. He should have been maddening his parents by staying out late driving his friends around in his car. 

But he is not. 

Instead, Rhys is dead. 

That sentence sounds so cold. It sounds so lifeless. It sounds so final. Theres no wonder people use “softer versions”.

And that must be how it feels to his mum and dad and sister and other family and friends. Where once there was his warm bed, now it is cold. Where once his house was full of happy love, now it is full of sadness. Where once there stood a young man so full of life and potential, now there is just emptiness. 

But that is not how I think of Rhys. 

I think of Rhys almost all the time. I think of him when I drive my car and when I (or the kids) cross the road. I think of Rhys when someone I know loses someone they love and I wonder how I should react. I think of Rhys when I wonder how something Ive said or done will affect my kids in later life. I think of Rhys when I see my kids growing up and changing. I think of Rhys when I think of friends and family and who matters and who doesnt and what actions show that. I feel Rhys with me more and more as I consider the whole life after death, religion and other big philosophical questions. 

To me, Rhys is eternal. I feel his presence more now than ever.

His mum says he would have changed the world. And I tell her he is changing the world, just not how any of us would have wanted. 

The A48 is getting road safety improvements partly due to Rhys’ death. A number of people are alive because they have Rhys’ organs. A charity is being set up that will fund local improvements because of him. The bonds between people who knew him is stronger and they want to come together to remember him. People share his story so that those who didnt know him, know about him. My children know his name even though the younger ones don’t really remember him. People are different. I’m different. He touches lives. 

He is alive to me. 

But I’d give him up in a heartbeat if I could give him back in body to his family. 

Happy Birthday Rhys.