I’ve called this blog “Nic goes to work” because thats all I did. I went to work. Sounds simple?

If only.

#5 is poorly.

Not death’s door poorly but too poorly to go to school. Last night she threw up in bed, in her sleep, into her hair. I dont mean to be graphic but it paints a picture. The picture I had to deal with when I put her in the shower and washed her hair at 2am this morning.

The night was not well rested.

I struggled to get up. But get up I did (eventually). Lets say 7.30am. Have to be in work by 9am. Doable.

#5 was crying

Dispensed calpol and sympathy. Suggested she go downstairs and watch TV to take her mind off it.

Sleep walk around trying to remember how to get dressed and pack lunchboxes (because Ive only done it about a trillion times before).

#5 is crying, saying she feels sick.

Suggest cream crackers (food of Gods).

She eats two.

Continue sleepwalking.

Realise its 8.10 (time to leave house). But I havent had any breakfast. MUST. HAVE.BREAKFAST (its the law).

Make toast.

8.15am (still fine)

No one is in the car.

Start never ending song of “why is no one in the car?”. Honestly I must be the only one who can hear me say “Get in the car”.

Run around like mad fool screaming “shoes!”, “get in the car!”, “put your shoes ON!”, “car!” And various incarnations of same…..

In car.

8.20 (not great but still might be possible)

Remember that #3 has no coat.

Last night he showed me coat. I said “did you get into a fight?” Multiple times. He neither confirmed nor denied. But said he couldnt wear it tomorrow and so would be cold.

Its raining.

Ring the other house and ask him if he needs a lift to school. (Surely he would have asked by now if he did?)

He needs a lift to school.

Of course.

So agree plan: take kids to breakfast club then go get #3.

Go to school.

Theres nowhere to park because the bus is coming early for a school trip.

Consider options.

Was told off yesterday for illegal parking so best not do it again.

Park about a mile away from school (ok thats an exaggeration, it was probably 100 yards but felt like a mile).

Get kids out of car (#6 insists on climbing over all seats to get out of boot. As you do)

Kiss kids and get back in the car.

#4 comes back and says #6 is crying.

Apparently #6 started saying something to me and I ignored him and got back in the car.

Listened intently to #6 very important story about rain or something.

Sat in car and watched #4 and #6 walk the 10 miles from car to school because I have made that mistake before and missed them falling over or remembering they left their lunchbox in the car or something, had to go back and been even later.

Mother of 6: ‘knows when more haste=less speed’

Kids get close enough to school front door to consider them “handed over”.

8.35 (ok definitely going to be late now but not sackable late)

Go to other house to pick up #3. He gets into the car with just his shirt on. I say “arent you going to be cold?” He says “yes”. I say “dont you have a jumper?”. He says “no”.

Start to drive off.

I suggest my coat. No, its a girl coat.

I suggest my jumper (which is black). No, he says he has a black jumper. I say “why dont you wear that then?” He says because it doesnt have a school logo on it. I say I will go in and explain why he has a jumper with no logo on it.

He pauses.

I say “shall I go back?”

“Ok” (in fairness, slightly sheepily)

Turn around.

I say “shall I go in to school or shall i write a note”

He says ‘a note’ (I know my kids, I know a note puts distance between the school and the most embarrassing mother)

I tell him to get paper from the house as well then.

He goes into the house and comes out about ten years later (I curse myself for asking for paper, I can see two receipts right next to me, I could write on the back of. I cant think why he thinks Im embarrassing)

8.45 (getting to school on time is new priority)

Traffic light is red.

Can see level crossing in distance is down.

Weigh up pros and cons.

Decide to avoid level crossing.

Avoiding-level-crossing-traffic-light is red. Proper: “this’ll take more than one green to get through” red.

#3 says, “the level crossing went up just as you turned”.

Of course.

8:50 Drop #3 at school.

Now just have to get #5 (remember her?) to dad’s for the day so I can actually go to work and not get sacked. Thankfully calpol and cream crackers have made her quiet (in fact, so quiet I almost forgot she was there and took her to work)

Petrol light comes on.

Of course.

Because that’s just how today is going.

Drop #5 at dad’s. Impart vaguely important information like “calpol at 8am, cream crackers for sickness” as I race through the house

Go to petrol station by my dad’s house.

No unleaded at that pump.

No unleaded at that pump.

No unleaded at that pump.

Reverse to get into a pump thats on the wrong side. Narrowly (like hairs breadth) miss parked cars.

Petrol is dispensing slower than ice drips.

Pay for petrol.

Have a disagreement regarding one-way entrance/exit with other cars.

Stare that says “You really dont want to mess with me today.”

And then drive to work.

On the motorway.

Which has a 50 mph speed limit.

Apart from the bit that has helpfully changed it to 40mph today. Because that’s definitely what a motorway is for.

9:40 get to work approximately one hour and 20 minutes after leaving the house to do a 30 minute journey.

But Nic got to work.

Shall we do it all again tomorrow?