I was brought up as an Atheist. My parents were very vocal on the “you can believe anything you want” angle but the subtext was “its all nonsense”. 

And I still believe its all nonsense. 

Until its not. 

Theres so much about religion I like, love, envy even. 

I like the community, I love the feeling of being loved and I envy the knowledge that theres a point to all this. 

When you have depression, have split up with your husband and wonder whats the point, religion has a definite pull. 

Ive tried the Church a few times and Im totally won over until they talk of having to believe all the nonsense. Can I still come if I think youre all brainwashed? 


Recently Ive been looking into being a Humanist. It seemed perfect. All the aspects of religion but without the actual God part. So I joined the Cardiff Humanist Facebook group (if in doubt; look on Facebook). Im sure theyre all nice people but all they seem to talk about is how stupid religion is. Thats not what I want at all. 

So I look in the media (its the new Bible). 

And Im drawn to Russell Brand. Im sorry to those who think he’s stupid but to me, he’s pretty inspirational. I sometimes (often) listen to his Radio X podcast. In between all the crap he talks he lets the audience into his real life. He is very spiritual. He has recently been going to church. But also mosques, temples and everything else. His belief is that he believes the root of all religions. That if you compare them all and find the commonality, then that is the true religion. And THAT, that is what I believe too. 

Modern religion is because people needed a life after death, a reason everything isnt pointless and so they created a blissful afterlife. People needed a reason why children died and so they created a God with a plan. Before that, people needed a reason why crops failed and so they created a God (or God’s) who needed appeasing. Its so obvious I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t see it. 

Surely its obvious there is no God who wants you to convert as many people as possible to the exact religion they particularly believe in. Ive met quite a few people of religion who dont believe that. And some who vehemently do. 

Surely its obvious that the whole God, Jesus, Mohammad of any religion is just stories retold over thousands of years. Do we really  need wars over it? 

Its all nonsense. 

Until its not. 

More and more of my life I explain as “the universe will decide”. I used to call it fate but now it feels like the more I fight for something, the less it proves worth it. The universe knows best and if something is meant to be then it is meant to be and fighting is pointless. 

So here I am. Wanting a community, wanting to feel loved, believing in thousand year old stories and believing in a higher power. 

Resistance is futile. The universe wants me to find a religion.

But I don’t believe in God (just the universe)  and I don’t believe in all the messiahs (just the stories).

Russell Brand. 

Russell Brand is the new order. 

Where do I sign? (Because Im not buying his book because it was nonsense) 

Its all nonsense. 

Until its not.