Today was grandma’s funeral. Due to coronavirus, lockdown and social distancing, 8 people were there. Those of us allowed to attend felt it ineffectual for 99 years of life.

I write this blog so that she can be remembered in history as is better fitting for someone so remarkable.

If OK with you, Id like to share my mist memorable grandma stories.

A few weeks ago I said to Polly (another of her grandchildren), how upset I would be if grandma died during lockdown and she didnt get the send off she deserved. Polly said “In a weird way, I think she’d prefer that”.

I said “but I wouldn’t!” And that got me thinking that maybe the big send off was more about me than her. Maybe this quiet acknowledgment is more her style.

A long time ago when grandma had some sort of cancer and even grandpa was considering her mortality. I sent grandma a letter saying that she’d always been my favourite. Grandpa was easy to love, easy to show affection to and for. But grandma was exceptional. She was strong and powerful yet quiet and unheard. In that powerful couple, she was the force that moved them forward, even though it looked to the outside world like she was a meak and complacent housewife. She was someone I wanted to be.

I don’t remember her ever acknowledging that letter, but I remember grandpa telling me that she had liked it, and that it meant a lot to her. She remained quiet and unheard.

She has never stopped being my favourite.

I am not quiet and unheard. I love to be front and centre.

But as I get older, I think of her and remember that strength and power doesnt always have to be loud. Over the years, I have tried to be more grandma.

Which brings me to my final story. Last year, when grandma was in hospital, Maddie (one of her great grandchildren) and I went to visit her. Maddie, who is quiet and unheard, yet strong and powerful. Grandma recognised Maddie straighaway. But she didnt know who I was. I told her for the millionth time that I am Ruth’s daughter. Ever the hostess, she said “Oh yes, and what do you do?”. I said “I work in HR, grandma”. She looked at me blankly. “Personnel?” I tried. Still nothing. I said “I make sure people know how to do their jobs properly”. She said “Oh so youre a bossy boots!” I laughed and said “Yes, grandma, I suppose I am”.

Everyone I tell that story to, laughs; some more nervously than others. Because I can be a bit of a steam roller.

But every day, I try; everyday I try to be a bit more grandma.

Alice Marjorie Frazer (nee Lee) 10/1/1921-13/4/2020

Grandma’s remarkable life should be remembered.

Marjorie was born in 1921 and was brought up by her widowed mother in Gilwern. She did well at Brynmawr County Grammar School for Girls and was awarded a county scolarship to go to Cardiff University to study medicine. She qualified as a doctor during the war. She was preparing to take up a post at a hospital in the south of England but a snowstorm prevented her getting to the interview. She found a job in Liverpool instead. Alan was asked to show her round. He had a stye at the time and wore an eye patch. This did not prevent the spark of romance developing between them.

Marjorie was born in January, and Alan in April the same year. She was keen that they marry at a time when the marriage certificate would show that they were the same age; so the date was set on 4th January (6 days before Marjorie’s birthday when she would officially be older than Alan).

Their marriage was extremely happy. Alan took on a GP practice in Bramhall and he and Marjorie moved into the house at 2, Syddal Road incorporating both a family home and the practice consulting rooms.

Marjorie was an ideal wife and mother of their 3 children: Ruth, Jane and Neil. There were never arguments, and there was a lot of fun. Practice life and family life blended together and Alan’s ability to work effectively depended on Marjorie’s support. Marjorie was very practical and would try her hand at anything – including DIY. This was not always a great success. There was a huge crash one evening as a shelf for casserole dishes came down; but this did not blunt her confidence.

She was an enthusiast and early adopter of kitchen, picnic and camping paraphernalia and there is still a large cache of these items stored in the attics of Brondeg, the home that they retired to in Gilwern in the grounds of the family bungalow.

There were many happy camping holidays and picnics. The height of picnic sophistication was reached with the acquisition of a dormobile which enabled the family to enjoy freshly cooked fillet steaks in the interval at Glynebourne.

Marjorie could always find the best local markets giving enthusiastic support to Stockport, Knaresborough and Abergavenny Markets. She loved C&A and had a keen eye for a bargain. The cupboards full of clothes in Gilwern and Bridgend, many with the labels still on, are testament to this.

When the children were old enough, Marjorie went back to work as a doctor got The Family Planning Association in Manchester. At that time, there were few resources, so outreach clinics were held in Church Halls with tressel tables set up for examination. Family planning was not then seen as the business of the NHS, so had to be funded by donations. Marjorie did her share of speaking engagements – once introducing Joyce Grenfell at a fundraiser. For the most frightening occasions, she took a little Dutch courage with her in the form of a Tupperware pot of sherry. The contraceptive pill was still in development phase and Marjorie undertook early trials. She was one of the first doctors to be trained to provide psycho-sexual counselling to patients; travelling weekly to London for seminars as part of her training. After the family moved to Yorkshire in 1969, Marjorie travelled across the Pennines twice a week to continue this work. She also took up a new role at Menston Psychiatric Hospital assisting the consultant in charge to discharge long stay patients back into the community.

She was a great and inventive cook. Alan and Marjorie’s home was always a hub for family life, often hosting grandchildren and great grandchildren. It also enabled Marjorie to dedicate time and energy to gardening, weaving, spinning, patchwork, caning, upholstery, and anything else she tried her hand to.

Marjorie was given a long life, and made the most of the opportunities that gave her. She had a rich professional life and was a pioneer in family planning; but she also had the gift of love and comfort as a wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother, which is how we, her family, will remember her.